


11월... 그리고 ( november with love )

by interestingboi



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:14:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18054941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interestingboi/pseuds/interestingboi
Summary: and the memories never fade, and his heart gets stepped over, shot, thrown away, stabbed, punched, kicked and hurt all over again.





	11월... 그리고 ( november with love )

**Author's Note:**

> god i finally got over my fear of ever posting anything i write because everything turns out cringy??? so i kept it nice and short and ANGSTY because hell yes i love a nice sad ending and no comfort :))) call me heartless but like i LOVE a good crying session how bout you
> 
> okay but like seriously this song is a masterpiece and i- i can't?? even?? jung yunho you monster how dare you walk me through heaven with your vocals and them through crying hell with your lyricS DAMN YOU 
> 
> also uh i made changmin sort of an asshole in this story even though he's vaguely mentioned and all of this is in yunho's pov but like SORRY CHWANG UWU ILY :D:D
> 
> anyways!!! pls leave a comment because that'd make my heart fill with uwus and owos and i'll!!! be sure to respond!! okay, you can go read this dumb short fic now :DDD

_널 지운다 그려본다 그 때_

_널 보낸다 바람 속에 보낸다._

the cold wind of late november meets the scar filled skin of his face, almost like a comforting caress. it messes up his ebony hair, the soft strands dancing while the breeze acts like the music, an unheard whistle.

he sits on the wooden bench, staring at the han river. his scarf protects the vulnerable porcelain skin of his neck from the chill. he buries his nose in the soft material, his dark, chocolate eyes staring out at the couples walking near the water, watches them smile at eachother like there's a hundred things they could say, but words can't define them, watches them hug and hold hands, gripping onto eachother as if one of them would fade away if they don't.

this brings back memories, memories he tried to hide away in the back of his mind and never remember, because the pain they bring is unbearable. memories he cherishes so much, although they tear at his heart and rip it into shreds. memories he tried so hard to forget, memories that come back, always, haunting and taunting him. memories with the person that was the light of his life.

and when that person left him, clouds hid the sun and left him in complete darkness. darkness that he desperately tries to escape, darkness he can't seem to find a way out of. and, when that person left him, a piece of his heart left with them and they kept it, kept clawing at it, destroying it with all their might. and he felt all of it. felt the scratches, felt all the hurtful words and felt the lost love.

he still remembers, very vividly, when that person decided he wasn't enough and dumped him, left him to rot in his own sadness and longing, left him with his own demons that he can't get rid of, demons that laugh and mock him, yelling their opinions at him, making his sanity crumble away slowly. his sanity, that's funny, what is that? that sanity left along with that person, leaving him all alone.

all he had now was the comfort of seeing his friends, the ones he protects with all his might, happy. that is all he wishes for, for his dear friends to end up content and comforted, not like him, an emotional mess and unreliable piece of uselessness. and his friends, oh, his amazing, great friends, turn out so very happy that he feels like the darkness surrounding his heart lightens up just the slightest bit.

but, after all, they all end up just like him, and the darkness deepens like it's never had before. but, even though he expected them to leave and take care of their own problems, they stayed, and all of them supported eachother through their hard times. there were days when he couldn't get out of bed, because what's the purpose if there's no one out there waiting for you, yearning for you? and then there's days when he feels better, he feels like he can finally move on, but of course, that never happens, and dull hope is all he can hold on to.

finally, there's days like these ones, when he doesn't feel anything and just wishes for all of it to stop. the demons inside his head keep trying to persuade him into getting rid of his emotions, the ones who keep hurting him over and over and over again, but what's a human being without emotions, he tells himself, and denies their screams once again.

and the memories never fade, and his heart gets stepped over, shot, thrown away, stabbed, punched, kicked and _hurt_ all over again.

yunho stands up and leaves, not bothering to take another glance at the happy couples, because without changmin, his heart feels empty and han river doesn't have any meaning.

_이른 겨울 찬 바람에 얼어붙은 내 마음이_

_사랑한다는 말 밖엔 못하죠_

_너의 말에 말 못하고 너의 말에 볼 수 없던_

_11월 그리고 추억._

**Author's Note:**

> the lyrics translate to :
> 
> "i erase you then draw you out again  
> then i let you go, let you go in the wind
> 
> my heart that froze with the cold wind in early winter  
> it can’t say anything else but i love you  
> because of your words, i couldn’t speak or see  
> in the memories of november"
> 
> i skipped from the beginning to the ending bUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT AHEM-
> 
> again this song has so much meaning and the way he sings it is just so heartfelt i almost cried- please PLEASE listen to it it's the best.


End file.
